In Out Of Work

I got the, uh, growing sense that resisting parties, there was two last night, uh, is the best way to go. One was a work one, a work event, work do, work shindig, in a surf city, where virtual surfing or something like that, all the shit. Uh, the other was friends, apparently throwing a feast, in inverted commas, but fuck, I don't know how accurate these things are, at all, like, uh, feels a bit, I'm dead, so I just, uh, had a weekend on my own, what I'm having right now, I'm just chilling, getting things done, like a slow state, flow state, no, low stake, slow flow state, uh, still quite a grey and white sky here, but, everything is, is going okay, I'm covered in flour from the sourdough, uh, I just bought in the supermarket, and, uh, what's more, I got a writing competition, where I have to write a spy story, so that's about it, really, I'm just chilling, and, busting a groove, catch you later.

So Finland was a good trip and the third weekend of the year I think it was the third and yeah got up very early and we went to Helsinki getting up at 3 30 a.m. flying via Riga landing quite early it was a beautiful sunny day on January the 18th which was surprising and walked around a bit got a brilliant brunch with some of the best salmon ever and cream cheese and bread and coffee walked around a bit got some gifts got the fuck out of Helsinki took a bus to a quaint town even though it's classed as a city the 19th biggest city called Porvoo P-O-R-V-O-O which is wooden houses wooden colorful houses it's touted to be a UNESCO protected zone in the future that was nice there's still some snow it was quite slippy just walked around took some nice photographs you know just vibed had to finish sauna privately an hour wasn't really enough could have done with a second hour went out in the evening tried to find the desired restaurant but it was full so instead found a great b...

A couple of observations. One is, it's funny when you have a sentiment, a heart, and you say something to someone. Like, I just wanted, for example, earlier to tell a colleague that I believe that my keys have been taken by the cleaner in the school, and handed in, and not given back to me, and they refuse to, you know, they deny they've been done, and it's a conspiracy. Like, some kind of fucking, oh, typical, oh, this is a weird thing, and she just nodded and didn't even acknowledge what I'm going on about. Like, it's like, people just absorb information now. It's almost like they're becoming borgs themselves, or ChatGPTs. And the second thing, yeah, I mean, well, there's three things. So, the second thing is just, again, how people react to you. So, it's the first thing, really. Like, I was slapping my arms, like, swinging them today, just going to the toilet, like, as in, just, like, fucking loosening my body up, and a colleague goes, are you...

I walk down the streets, some of which I used to walk down daily. I give a nod, nod to the head, and acknowledge those incredible four years that I lived on this street, that I'm passing, walking through, in a small community, which is right in the center of the city. Today has been a challenging day, where I've blended into the background, when part of me wanted to be in the foreground. However, when it's the other way around, and I want to just slip away, I'm brought in to the mix. So, I guess I just have to go along with the day, and not over plan. Things are generally good at the moment, though, as I've mentioned in recent posts. You know, it's all been very much a continuation of the back end of November and December, minus the sickness. And just smoothed my way into the new year without any massive new upstarts, or needing to prove things. So, yeah, like, I hate the phrase, which British use a lot, but can't complain, really. That'll be the title o...

So I'd like to write a diary entry in my short and compact style again. Basically put something along the lines of that I went to see Dorian at the theatre in Konas, K-A-U-N-A-S, you know, yesterday. It was great, I found it last minute because the theatre emailed me a reminder 24 hours before, which is a great fucking service. Spent the last few days before that watching The Traitor's reality TV show, binge-watching to the maximum. I've been reading quite a bit. Got a shit week of sleep last week because I'm looking after the cat, which we call Cataniele. Please write it correctly, it's C-A-T-I-N-E-L-E. And the final E has a dot above it like the Lithuanian way, so. Just say goodbye to him now. I'm currently having a very shitty Monday, it's fucking hard with just shit going wrong. But taking that in my stride, just technical things here and there, not kind of falling right. But refusing to get rattled by just societal crap like QR codes and whatever, doubl...

Monday, January 6th The weekend: Quiet. Films. Bait – jagged, black and white, like Bergman in splinters. The Teacher's Lounge – taut, German, psychological. The Substance – the beauty industry, broken open. Watched Bait twice. The cat’s back. Catanielli – timid, bold, blending. Snow in Vingis Park – beautiful, magical. Beef noodle soup, Tom Yum style – 17 euros, but worth it. Apple, pear, dragon fruit, banana, yogurt – morning light. Saturday – hazy. Running by the river, sunlight bursting off fresh snow. Read my novel, unread for years. Chaotic, but alive. Stirred the appetite to write again. Today: Published under the wrong category – kicked myself. Teenage class – a sprawl of frustration, neither them nor me at our best. A room was free – not the one I wanted, but it was there. Grateful. Friday: HR dropped the bomb – three grand for a feet lift, payroll will take it. Knocked me flat. Told myself to ease up, but I’m still chewing it over. The cleaner – tension, always tension. T...

January 1st: A Quiet Start Slept over 10 hours. Woke at 11. Yesterday was steady—a good New Year’s Eve. St. Jono’s Church for orchestral music, candlelight. Then Nisha Craft Capital for sour beers. Finished at Prison: bands, sparklers, fireworks. Walked home sober. Today, we took the train to Trakai on a whim. Walked the lake. Found a family lunch spot run by an old, stubborn mule. Mushroom soup, kibinai. Came home. Watched In Our Day by Hong San-soo—underwhelming but okay. A massage, some reading, a run. Ended the day with hummus, cheese, and breadsticks. Relaxing, quiet. Back to work now.